A dictionary of words that should exist.

Any weekday that carries the full psychological weight of a Tuesday without being one, typically caused by a bank holiday, a long flight, or a stretch of being ooOoo.

A group of people who say banana whenever the proper word is not to hand — lorem ipsum spoken aloud, every placeholder the same fruit. The missing word is never really the point…

To announce a plan so loudly and so early that carrying it out becomes socially impossible. The flumbast is not a lie. At the moment of speaking it is entirely sincere; the volume…

Not currently hustling. The state of having left one’s ambition on a chair somewhere and drifted off through a wall, audibly. An ooOoo person is neither lazy nor resting — both of…

The stretch of a conversation where both people are only correcting each other, having long since agreed.

The single cold patch of kitchen floor water that only ever finds a sock, never a shoe, and never the person who made it. Sockpuddles are believed to be conserved: cleaning one…